Im The Girl With Big Dream

2011-11-06T02:49:00.004+08:00

I guess Im just being stupid.

For tonight I just wish I could stay beside you.

But I know that is no longer possible.

I stare into e screen for a long long time. I got so much to say to you. But I dont know where should I start..

Forget it.

I just miss you more than anything but I have to hold everything back now.

2011-10-10T04:06:00.005+08:00

Woah.

How long have I been missing through this online stuff? Pretty long, and many things were back to e square.. Relationship.. Friends.. I dont know. How was everyone? Nuffnang is still on my blog!! I am sorry!!

I got to be more interesting here.. Hmm..

But I would like to update more on myself. Not too much, not too little. Ha ha.

God is fair once again. I gain something, I lose something. I read my previous post. They were mentioning about Victor. But we had gone our seperate ways. Why?

Till I realise, both of us had no fault. We just dont suit each other.. They say you will met different people before you met e right one.But Im pretty sad. Even tho my life turns out to be f.u.n?

Filled with party.. Drinking.. Clubbing.

*Freedom everywhere*

Im back to where I got to stand up alone. I guess everyone do..

Dear Victor,

I really love you. After we had gone our seperate ways.. I met wonderful people. Not to mention who and they taught me alot of stuffs. I start to think back of our past and think about our wrongs and our right. Till now this second, I miss you. But I didnt show it out because of some incident, I think I should hate you. Hate you for showing me how much you loved me once and after what you had done to me after our break ups.I hate you. I really do.. But I think you hate me more than all these. I felt it. People who are in love once or before, they had this weird heart telepathy. Maybe Im wrong.. But I felt it when Im with you.

Compared to e past few years, I've grown up. Not completely.

Part of e credits gone to you actually, I wanna thanks you. Thank you for showing me around e world, e society. When I first met you, I was a 18 years old guliable/innocent chicks. But now Im a 19 years old growing up "women". This one year is alot to me.Im all alone now. And Im still learning, never will I b giving up so soon.

L.O.V.E

Was wonderful when Im with you. Forgive me for all my wrongdoings.
I wish you all e best.

Tricia
missing you..

Okay earthling. Got to go. Hope my next post will be filled with joy/successful and happiness. I don't know when Ill b back here but I wouldnt let nuffnang down.

P/s; And if your looking for some cheap beers/delicious food/nice place to hang out

Look for Grapevine Cafe Bar Restaurant. Located at Upper Serangoon road. Opposite e Crocodile farm/Old serangoon shopping mall. :)

And we welcome new staff to join us. As long as your 17 years old and above and your stay near that area.

Female - waitress ( Full/part time)

Male - Preferably kitchen staff ( Full/part time)

Look for me @ Facebook (Tricia Ann) for more details. Thanks.

the nicest thing on earth

2011-01-30T01:18:00.006+08:00

The nicest thing on earth to me.... No, it wont be burberry or LV bag I see on the street or even if Im owning one.

The nicest thing on earth to me... Was you Victor.

I hate that I like raining days. It gives me comfort but it makes me lazy, sleepy and weak. It makes me miss something or someone so much till I keep yearning for it. Im feeling very emotional tonight and that is why I am here, blog.

I've known you for a year and I realise I havent mentioned you in my dairy before. But as a 19 years old girl this year, you meant alot to me. You meant the world to me. You are like a pillar to me. I've never express this out or either have I show it to you before, I know.

Over the year, alot of things have changed. I shift my home, I change my job. I change environment for school, I met new people, I learn new things but my boyfriend have just been you ever since I met you.

I struggle alot before I met you. I didnt know what are happiness because to me it just like a child game, relationship was like nothing at all. You met new guy, you fall in love with him, you have fun, you start to jealous over little things, you start fighting, you start to not forgiving and giving in, you lose a new guy and then everything start all over again.

I didnt know what a home was like until you give me a chance to enter your world, your life. Begining of time, it was boring. For a 18 year old last year, I just wanna have fun, I want to drink, I want party, I wanna club. But when I realise the really happy and fun that Im having at that point of time was temporary.

Raining days, I just had my toe nails painted for Chinese New Year. I couldnt concentrate, I cant get you out of my mind. In the end, I gave up. I want to post my secretive feelings over the blog and gave you a surprise. I want to say I love you, thanks for everything my dear boy. Even though sometimes I always bite you and scratch you, hurt you emotionally and always say break up. At times, I really dont mean it. Action still prove. I hope after all the raining days, you could see my determination in myself, the changes in myself. The love for you.. and I hope because of all this, no matter how tough the future could be, you dont give up on me. Never.

Its a very long compo. But it fully dedicated for you. To the whole world and show you after that thursday night, I have to learn to be strong. I want to protect my loved ones too. I want you well.

I hope when times come, me and you are still holding each other tight. Love you dear! Ever and ever it'll be.

Your part of the reason why Im living good till I have turn fat. Which I didnt know I was so skinny last time.

2011-01-13T20:35:00.003+08:00

Happy new year everybody. I know its abit late now but I get alittle too busy everytime.

Too busy with relationship ? Maybe true, ha ha.

Anyway, I just remember my nuffnang is still running. I got no reasons to stay missing from blog for so long. Even if I have blog lesser every now and then please remember to think of Tricia and drop by here okay :)

Just a small update of what am I doing right now. I know my girlfriends from ITE and secondary will be very curious about me and I didnt had much contact with anyone of you...

Thinking of fun we had last time, every single bit I still remembered. But people grow to success and future.

I'll be having my major exam at May 5,6,7,8. Any of these 2 days. Whether I had leave my CIDESCO 1 year to waste depend of those days. Things are pretty stress but I am getting motivated for this new year. Yeah, I wont give it a waste and will make my life meaningful.

And I have thought what should I do after my exam, whether what am I going to do after my graduation...

I even have thought of going for interview as an air stewardess for SIA. Work for a few years, save up enough money, come out to open a spa and be a boss.

Ha ha, I know it wont get any easy but I am willing to give it a try. Its not about a dream but a goal. A goal for me. A goal for my goodie goooooooooooooood future. Here I am!

2010-12-21T17:09:00.003+08:00

Before I leave MacDonald....

I realise I doesnt treat my family like one.

Somehow it just makes me take them for granted. They have no right to control me. No right to concern about me.

It was a random and sudden thoughts. A thoughts that makes me found out about myself. Tricia only do things for the sake of doing. I am not being saddist. And wouldnt be blogging here as and when she can. Im getting a little too lazy now.

Or maybe I'll stop my post until today... Until she find some reasons to make her blog....

2010-10-11T15:19:00.016+08:00

Have you ever suffer a internal heartache and pain as if somebody left your side/world when the fact it was a normal day and no such things had happen?

I did...

The feeling was strange. I tried recalling what makes me to be upset about but nothing come onto my mind. If really someone dearly really leave me and the world, I hope I would never come to know because the one alive would suffer more pain than the one who had left.

People said my little niece look like me. How could she be????! Maybe she's small and petite like me and who have a pair of big eyes/ long lashes? :)

Not trying to be thick skin here but heart therapy say self praise yourself ten times a day gives you confident :P .

By the way, my look have changed so much until I didnt realise.

2010-10-04T17:59:00.002+08:00

Lost without you - Robin Thicke

Im lost without you
Cant help myself,
how does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby.

Woah. Im zoom zoommm zoommmmm zoommmmmmzxzx to the net. And its october now!

3 more months and its 2011. Time really flies, sometimes too fast for me to slow down my pace and think back what I've done. But I've loved once truthfully, it feel blessed and happy but horrible! *wink*

And maybe about 5 month later Im gonna graduate from my Beauty Diploma. Im gonna act like a real adult soon.

All the politics, responsibilty, full time dedicated to work and stuff gonna fall on me. People always ask me to be more mature in terms on my behaviour but I believe I am. It just that Im not someone who likes showing them who I am. Slowly I felt that Im just giving myself alot of excuses in growing up.

I know what I want.
I know what Im going through.
I know what is appreciation.
I know what is sweat and tears.
I know what is it like being h.a.p.p.y

But Im covering it with all the bad things because Im a 18. Ya, a big deal to me.

An eighteen who wanna live her life playful. Someone who is stubborn and wilful to her boyfriend. Someone who think she knows everything at her 18. Ha ha..

A sacarastic smile.

Classmates always bubble life knowledge to us. Teacher treat us like small kids because most of the student were age 20++ to 50++ . Frankly speaking, it feel stressed juggling with our age and our thinking. Sometimes too contradicting.

No pictures today. Hope the next post I come up would be pretty pictures in my life :)

2010-08-19T13:56:00.006+08:00

Ed and Dion had left for their lunch at one of the Jap Restaurant. I didnt tag along because I thought I could borrow their lappy for research.

But who knows, Im still at blogger. Too tired and lazy for it :(

My world are really fillled with babies. Sometimes dont know if I should happy or upset over it.

Upset over the little nap I could take!!

You know a baby cries would just wake you up for the whole day.

It been dont know how many xxxx days I last seen Vic. His too busy for his project. Really hard on him and I had been lonely for this few days VICCCCCCCCC.

It been 6 months since we are together. Really surprising for me. I had finally overtake obstacles in myself.

I miss you my dear.

I havent update of Xinyi birthday! Gimme a little bit more time.

and I am waiting for sun tanning my dear girls !!

2010-08-15T16:07:00.003+08:00

Wipe off my sweat. Start to feel the stress of school. Doing a research of my thesis which have to be submitted within 4 months and 4000 of words. Faint.

By the way, thanks for the concern girls. My coughing had been slightly better after I went to see a doctor yesterday.

I want to go out and play. Stay under the sun, get a good tanned. Do some exercise and get a good abs. Is it a little too late if I start loving myself more now? Eat fruits and vegetable in the morning and drink beer at night. He he.

But I cant... Got tied down with school fee....

I want to be happy. I want to be sunshine. I want to be sporty. I want to be healthy.

When I type all these, I lie down on a bed which dont belong to me. I see the deep clear blue sky. I miss it. I liked it. It makes me happy. This sound a bit retard but it brought away all my unhappiness in the past.

I want to fly.
Want to strive for a place for me.
I need to work hard... Even harder.

A happy 6 month my dear.... :)

2010-08-09T01:06:00.004+08:00

Hi. Im at the lan shop now. Vic and my little cousin was happily playing the you know guys-go-crazy-over-it-game? Haha.

Im not really a game person so Im stuck with facebook, girls gossips etc..

I liked watching MTVs of my favourite dancer. Ciara, Nicole Scherzinger and Jolin Tsai.

I didnt give up dancing. I just doesnt have the chance yet. But I would my whole heart out. Because I missed dancing on stage. I missed all the tough practices and then trying my best on stage. In the end, I would receive thousand of applause down the stage. An applause can make a dancer her day. I liked it how the music flow through my body, my soul and my mind. Somehow connected.

I missed having bruises on every part of my body. Hehe.

I believe as my heart still long for dancing, I would return to where I belong... Where I hold all my confident... :)

Something unpleasant happen after work with Vic. It really wasnt easy to hold onto a relationship. Everything almost blown up. But we will be together for half a year on the coming Sunday.

Time noted; 1:20AM.

I promise to go sun tanning with Meilien later on at 10AM. Yet I will still be going on for a supper after this. Oh gosh. May I fall asleep when Im sun tanning and wake up knowing I become a black pig :P

2010-07-27T22:10:00.006+08:00

Actually I didnt had time to finish my previous post the other day. Havent uploaded sufficent pictures I mean. He he !

Way back again, Vic and I went to Malacca with his friends. It was tiring to rush there and back to Singapore within a day. Was too over the Little Nonya so we went there to experience it but by the time we reach there, it is rather late and the Museum of all the babas and nonyas was already closed.

Talk less, pictures for all of you first :)

babies

2010-07-25T18:10:00.006+08:00

I always got problem thinking how should I start the first sentence.. Ha ha.

How's the world have been recently? Good? Or bad?

My own world have been spining round and round. Planning how to earn more money to pay off my school fee but on the other hand, I splurge them whenever I like. Will be flying to Shanghai on Nov for a week too.

Well....

Let me do the updates on pictures instead..

You know I get very long-winded of my emotions if I talk more and more. But I learnt to keep a limit here since I dont have much time on the net anymore.

2010-07-13T21:42:00.007+08:00

Helllooooooo. And zooommm Im back to the net again.

This rotting blog would die anytime now.

Well, Im busy now. Kinda looking forward to school since our actual teacher came back. She was good, in fact very good. I am still the same old me. Working very hard like a cow. He he. But I sleep alot too. Reality hasn't change abit. To me it seems like a thousand years before I came online.

Relationships wise had up and down but I've learnt and changed.

I used to read something online. It says, friends have patience when they come to you but if you dont give a damn, they will go someday.

To all my friends, to all of you, I might have gone missing. But maybe perhaps I am growing up now. My time to accept all bad things that happen isolated me somehow.

Sometimes at night, I miss all of you. Like Qiuyan, Weiying, Jolyn, Stella, Xinyi, Mei Lien, Jiasin etc.

I brought all of you to my heart. Telling myself you girls were the best blanket to me when Im down and cold.

I have not changed and didnt forget anyone. I just need a long time to heal up somethings in my life that I've missed.

Hope every single one of you have been living well. My greatest blessing to all of you.

I shall end here with some pictures.

My brother's daughter, Fiona Lim Jia En. And my baby cousin :)

2010-06-16T20:32:00.003+08:00

Helllllllo.

Life's pretty good for me now. Just that I got very difficulty time sleeping. Ha ha. But it was fun watching all my little cousins having their own fun. Watching how naughty they were brought me back to my past.

So innocent and free.

It was also good to have home-cooked food. Despite all the good time I have outside couldnt compare to the food Im having now.

With Victor, I've met this elderly whom I have pour my heart out.

Her family doesnt treat her good. Although they were staying together but she was all alone. The kind of fear that anyone of us were most afraid of if we grow old.

From her eyes I see, she envy us.

Yet she won my biggest heart. I find her a little similar to me. But she was still living her life happy on her own. Knowing her give me courage. Knowing her give me a sense of family even there is no blood relation.

Knowing her somehow change me. To be a good person.

I wanna thank her. Thank her for giving me the answer that I have been longing for in my all my life.

Im going to be an aunt soon. Ha ha. Brother gonna got himself a son. It was so unbelieveable time fly so fast. Maybe today or tomorrow?

My God. Please bless their son.

2010-06-06T00:35:00.009+08:00

Although it been only days I didnt blogged but things happen like thunder strike. Sometimes too fast you dont know you got hurt.

I have moved to my granny house. The feeling wasnt right although this was where I stay ever since I was young. Here I am, had a long bath and a mask on. Right alone in this big living room. Vic sent me back here but when he left, I felt my heart left with him too. Maybe it was habit that cause me this way.

Now I'll have to bear with the nag of the elderly. The noise of my little cousins but it was heart warming to have someone prepare breakfast/lunch and dinner for me. I still feel sad. I got to hang on Tricia.

Oh ya, yesterday was the Newspaper NewFace 2010. I did went for it this time with alot of effort JoBaby spent on me. But sorry everyone. Sorry Jolyn. Sorry Victor. Big sorry to myself. I didnt get in.

I feel sad. Real sad of course but I just have to keep putting up a strong font. Cause of how am I going to act cool about when this industry has always been my dream but within a day, just few minutes, it was all shattered.

I think that the world wasnt fair but Vic say it was the reality. We got to accept it. But I believe someone would still see the effort and not just an empty vase. At first I thought I could blame anyone but I think back. No way.

Thats wrong. We shouldnt blame on others.

One failure make me curious, am I fit to be even a model?

Everyone has been blinded by sexyiness and beauty. But what is a model? A live human being model.

Maybe the day when I can answer my question, I would truly understand what I want.

But Im not someone who dont take things easy. Everything gonna be alright :)

Congrats to you , Audrey! All the best :)

some overdue pictures taken the day before yesterday? Ha ha

2010-05-31T15:25:00.007+08:00

Heavy eye ring :(

Quarrel makes 2 heart connected together. ♥
Im happy. Vic and I has still gone through another obstacle. And this obstacle was, ourselves.

Having Mock Test this coming week! Or is it another week? Hmmm..

Can I let my pictures to talk? :)

And she was our teacher for Medi and Pedi. She was really good in the cuticle work or painting. But sadly, we gonna change our teacher soon. And we always make her got scolded by the principal :(

And my final hair do. Ha ha, I am damn happy my fringe dont poke my eyes.

And Jo Baby finally had the courage to had her fringe cut after watching mine being chopped off.

Went East Coast yesterday. I really love staying under the sun. But I just got no time and the energy :(

2010-05-28T04:23:00.004+08:00

Hear my blogsong. How do you feel?

I feel a little sad. A little lost. Vic and I had come to our 3 months. It wasnt easy at all. Much difficult than what I had expected. A real begining for our next step to future. Communication, mutual trust, understanding and compromising have all to be there in order to run it well.

And when you dont, you felt upset about it. You wonder why couldnt you do it like how others do. You blame every single things that happen, you turn paranoid, you become no confident. You start hating yourself.

At times I feel sad, I feel like running away from everything like how I always choose to stay away from reality. And that is why I never succeed in a relationship.

I dont know what should I do right now. Time clocked; 4:29AM. We just had our Mac supper and Im now home. Had a little bicker just now.

I closed the door behind you. Forgetting to return you with hugs and kisses. I dont usually confess to you over here because you make me just so comfortable I can tell you everything. Regarding the good or the bad.

One quarrel, 2 quarrel and continously...

I really dont know how to manage all this.
You cannot blame me for venting everything here. Because even before I met you, this had become my mental supporter.

I blame myself for my ambitions heart.
I blame myself for not being understanding.
I blame myself for getting jealous at little things.
I blame myself for making you angry at times.
I blame myself for not being able to takecare of myself so as to not making you worry.
I blame myself for being selfish.
I blame myself for being childish.
I blame myself for making you to fall in love with me.
I blame myself for falling in love that much...

I know you dont blame me.
But I just blame myself.
You can scold me. Scold me for why you should see all this things here and not through our reality communication.

Im not trying to let the whole world know what is happening around.
They can read, they'll know and they can comment as much as they want but I dont care.

I am drowning. Into this beautiful world, drowning into love with you.

But girls/woman are hard to get by... All they want is just simple coaxing when you make them angry. A simple sorry even if you dont mean it.

or am I wrong?

Lastly, for whatever I had done

sorry.
sorry took sing tee yoo gap chun took wayla.

2010-05-24T15:53:00.005+08:00

I had my haircut again! HAHA but not the final hair-do I suppose. My natural curls make me look all haywire. I still havent got the chance to snap a picture to show everyone.

Still need to go for colouring and treatment first before I am all ready for TNPNF this year. Been waiting for years. Actually wanted to go last year but I chicken out. Not going to let this year slip off my hand.

And Im not after anything for that TNPNF, I just wanna fufill the wish in my mind for so long ago. Like my childhood dream.

Went back school to get my cert. Met up with Weiying and co, had so much rubbish to talk about and snap pictures.

realise how much I misses them wasnt good :(

taa-daaaaa, sorry Im too slow :x

Jiasin new hairstyle >

So which one do you usually prefer?

2010-05-20T21:43:00.005+08:00

Doing my black mask now. I promise after I blogged this, I'll go and bath and sleepppppppppp!

Lesson start at 10 this morning. But I reach school only @ 2pm. What a pig in the bed .
The thought of only having 5 months to be with your other classmates are abit saddening. We should start creating new bonding now!

School -

Jolyn baby is having a fever since this morning and she is the reason why I thought I could sleep longer but who knows, she just went to school. HAHA

To be in a school @ town isnt a good thing. Because it means shopping and slurping every now and then after school :S

2010-05-19T18:11:00.008+08:00

So today after school plan was go home. So early :(

Every step I took was so dreading. I've got to restrict myself from seeing Vic for 2 days too! Hmph..... HAHA

Appetite goes down recently, even when I went to eat sushi alone, I couldnt finish the whole thing. Talking about yesterday.... Im so sorry I put JiaSin Jolyn and Alvin aeroplane! Im so sorry! I know now how many sorry I say wouldnt help but just so sorry :(

Went to get a surprise for Vic. Little surprise.

and start camwhoring.... Tsktsk.

Cute :)

Another school lesson today. It was good I guess. All the pedicure and manicure practical which I have been so eager to do them recently. Teacher did demo on me and it bleed for the first time! But I've got to note how does everything feel and not repeat it in future :)

Tomorrow will be nail painting. Something I have never train on. Grrr.

Oh ya, the other day we had the thai food. It was nice. But I miss the taste of the nonya kitchen if Im now wrong. It also sells thai food too.

2010-05-18T13:26:00.003+08:00

Someone once told me....

when a man long for its own freedom, a woman shouldnt have any say and get out of his sight immediately.

Thats what a traditionally thought in the world.

You shouldnt placed somebody in your everything. Because if that somebody's gone, you gonna be left with n.o.t.h.i.n.g

I am learning. Still learning.
I dont know what am I going to do if you just leave me now as no one promise this much and walk this far although it just merely 3 months. But to me, it has been alot. So alot.

2010-05-16T15:24:00.006+08:00

Sorry for my absence guys.

Sorry for not blogging regularly anymore. I have been going out early and coming home late lately.

Not going to club of course. Although Im 18, hehe ;)

I dont need to go to a club to show Im offically an 18 too. I prefer somewhere quiet and nice to chill out.

School has been improving. Teacher finally show abit of attention to us despite we were the youngest group of students in class. To the 4 of us, we went through like the revision for last year but what we learn now is into a thorough job which motivate me myself alot.

In the past I join Beauty for the sake of studying. But for the past 1 year, I've decided to not study for the sake of studying which is why I am willing to fork out so much money for Cidesco because I found my patient in doing something.

Without Stella they all in my current school was getting abit boring. But after knowing Fiona in our group is much crazier. Hope my leftover 1 year will pass beautifully and meaningfully.

Ps; Still miss Meilien Stella Xinyi and Weiying alot !

Happy 3 months to me and Vic yesterday xoxo .

I bet everyone would expect me and Vic getting off fast because most of my relationships broke off fast :'(

I never expect Vic and I would ended up here too... It was great and happy.

But during the process, there was alot of conflict/fights which nobody had seen. Was glad we always overcome it. Thanks dear. I love you. Still as much as ever.

2010-05-07T17:19:00.010+08:00

I m finally legal! Haha

Thanks so much for all the wishes. Since it was my birthday yesterday, I have a lot sum of photos to be uploaded. Piccy talks.

5 May 2010,

Met up with Qiuyan! Grab our dinner and went for desserts. A simple celebration I prefer. She still owe me a home-cooked food meal since she is now currently in Shatec. ;)

Vic came along and give me a mini cake @ his car. It was a surprise but although the cake is mini, I dont mind because it the heart that counts.

6 May 2010,

Lesson start today. Classroom was crazily small and fcuked up. Learnt manicure and it was like everything gonna start all over again. Boring ~

Went Vic house for dinner after school. His mother cook all my favourite dishes today too! But in the end, it was wasted :S .

graduation day

2010-05-04T17:40:00.010+08:00

I decided to go to the graduation day and it was kinda bored? But the also very last day in school before we really start our life in Cidesco.

I am fast in uploading cum updating. Hehe

And Valeen was my entertainment for half of the show. ;)

Yong Mei Lien, you do us proud!

Because I suspose to meet Jolyn to continue some of my school spree but I came home and overslept! Grr.

Still sleepy. I still got work. Damn it.

Wake up early just to prepare myself for today. I dig all my wardrobe and decided to wear this outfit too.

In the end, Beauty Therapy were the first to get up on stage and I was the second to receive the cert. We were so unprepared! Feel like doing that whole thing all over again. Hahaha

Gotta cut the crap. Im hungry now.

I want Vic to be good but it seem that I make him bad.

Can I self-blame ? :(

2010-05-03T02:49:00.007+08:00

I have come to continue my pictures as what I promised previously.

Almost forgotten it going to be 3 am right now. Still got to meet Jolyn for school stuff @ 12pm tomorrow. Grrr.

Now you guys understand why my concealer is thicker then anyone else. Hehe

Keep my words aside. Unglam pictures here !

2010-05-02T15:44:00.010+08:00

Hello guys. Yesterday was my advanced birthday celebration with my girls. I was so excited. Been looking for this day. And I have a problem deciding what to wear and stuff. In the end I choose to cute and red-pink ribbon dress which I have never wear before at all because I find it disgusting cute. HAHA

Was really happy that this time round activity arent just me meilien jolyn weiying and stella but XinYi and Jiasin came along :)

1 bottle of Martell and another bottle of Black Label were soon finished before we even cut our cake.

One shameful thing of me. The motive of celebrating my birthday but it turned up I have to pester them for the cake before they get even more tipsy to drunk.

Im really happy for the organisation and everyone pressence :)

Im just a little upset when the cake arrive, everyone was still too concentrated singing the song and never had a proper cutting cake session :(

Haha, I respect this outing alot because it was like the first time a group of friends celebrate it outside with me.

Thank you girls. Thank you very much for the pressence. A good 18th soon to be celebration :)

XinYi and WeiLiang. Hope you guys stay strong in your relationship. Give you all my blessing. Love you girl.

Dear plays a good boyfriend too. He rush down from work @ grapevine when he is not suspose to work as he had exams on Monday. Major exam..

He wait and wait and when I asked him to bring Meilien for supper and sent her home, he just agree without any hesitation.

He even brought me something which I long for, for a long time!

A camera from Olympus so to capture all the beautiful moments yesterday..

For being such a good boyfriend with me, how should I reward you ?

I've choose to give you my whole life... (:

Very good luck in your exam my dear. Hope you pass with flying colours!

Have got too many pictures to upload. Will continue the rest tomorrow. Im running late for work!

2010-04-28T18:23:00.005+08:00

School start for me today.

It was bored just by having that stupid orientation. Sat there for like hours.

We have to get our own bedsheet, towels and all the beatuy essential stuffs. Which means we have to bring almost like a luggage to school everyday. Troublesome thang!

But the good and lucky thing was we just have to go school for 2 days. Haha

ITE school graduation day is nearing, next week!
And my birthday is coming! Ho Ho!

Ciao~
Am @ Starbucks now!

a never will a smiley post

2010-04-22T00:43:00.004+08:00

Oh well, how should I start this post with this title of mine.

I went to had a hair cut today. Although raining seasons were here recently but I still sweat very easily.

From the previous post you see me until this down here. So which one do you prefer ?
HAHA.

I really wants putting up a smiley here but it get so hard for me to do something which I cant.

I am used to be good in pretending. Pretending that Im ignorance when Im not. Everything. Almost everything. But for dont know when, I've stopped doing so. Because I stopped doing that, my heart get so difficult to move.

Sorry dear, I come blogger awhile to talk about all these.
I guess you know how I feel but I just want to let them all out. Basically, I think words help which is why Im here too.

Blog aint anywhere that is safe.
But I choose to talk about it. ( not in details )

So if you know about it, keep quiet.
And if you dont know about it or not sure what is it about, dont act like you know anything.

@ times I think that god is not fair. He or she gave me hardship. Gave me miserable life that I cant control. Gave me bad memories that I can never got rid of them. But now maybe he or she sent people down. Send Vic here. Some people trying to help me but I cant seem to be able to pass by my obstacles.

I got a high principal in life.
I got high pride.
Lastly, I am stubborn.

If one day I become a total failure in life, I am clearly well known of w.h.y

People trying to help, I reacted back to their helped for the sake of their concern.
Deeply, my heart doesnt says anything. It was just my mind which say "do it, because someone asked you to"

I appreciated whatever things my aunt had try to help me.
Slowly, she become like almost a motherly love deep inside my heart which I never shared. Someone who I wish I could cuddle into her and cry.

Sometimes I think I need psychology help. Joke.
No.

Because I myself had hidden so many unknown side of me till the limit I know nothing. Deep down, I have choose to give up everything except love, Victor.

Home sweet home?
No.
Home no home.

I understand some people can live without a home. But I cant.
From the environment I grew up, I wish for a perfect potrait for myself. I do modelling, I posed infront of camera. I get attention, I got friends. But I have never gotten myself a perfect potrait.

Even if how bad my broken family is doing now, how bad they are behaving. I cant bear to do anything.

Because for as long as my broken family still stand someone going, I am perfect inside my heart.
Maybe because I cant imagine me being an orphan.

Im not spoilt, I dont take things for granted @ home. Am I too greedy?
Can someone simply understand the needs of a home for me?

Even if there is someone offering me a home, I dont see the kinship at the home.

I cant deny family is important to me then anything else and sadly, it always come to the last for being perfect.

Like how much you wish for something and that something doesnt come back to you.

How would you feel?

Angry? Sad? Self-esteem low? Disappointed?

Dont blame me for who I am now.
Because sometimes I dont understand the way I am.

Until now, I learnt something.
Things are yours, they will be eventually yours.

"You afraid of being of an orphan, but it come to light that maybe being an orphan would make you truly happy. "

I dont mind sharing everything here.
I dont long for sympathy, crocodile tears or even free publicity of me and my background.

I know/ I believe.
Everything will be better soon.

2010-04-20T02:31:00.005+08:00

Celebrated Alvin birthday!

Went shopping. Bought lipsticks. I never liked lipstick in the past. But due to some influence, I kinda like them. Hehe.

Went Bakerzin for lunch? Because it already going 6 when we are eating our first meal.

Make alot of crap and nonsense and the waiter there were disturbing Alvin etc. In the end they gave us surprises by giving us this warm chocolate cake as a present for Alvin !! Hope you like and enjoy it my friend/sister !! :)

Dessert of the day;

These 2 were the waiter that gave Alvin and us the surprise. And also the one who have been disturbing Alvin. HAHA. ;)

Thanks for remembering me during your birthday. Mr/Ms Tree Creator, Alvin Lee.

Yes, we have not drifted after so many absence towards each other. Understand me my dear friend. I might be far but I am still near you and your heart, Jolyn Ng :)

Psst, Jolyn was so shocked to see my stomach after all these while. Admitted I am fat now :( .

Meet Vic for dinner @ around 9 pm. Meet up with his friend for dessert and chill after ten. Had waffle again !! Everyone thought I become fat after I met Vic. But actually I always force him to eat and EAT with me :P

Dinner was China cuisine. Xiao Long Bao etc but sadly, my favourite xiao long bao doesnt have any soup base in it. Weird ?.?

xoxo, Tricia.

Love you Victor.

2010-04-19T01:39:00.003+08:00

It showing 1:57 am @ my desktop so it GOOD MORNING!

I think its Alvin Lee birthday right now because he asked me out to celebrate with him. Whatever it is, happy birthday ! :)

Hope you enjoy with me and Jolyn soon !

15 April.
Thank you dear. We hit 2 months. Although it just pretty 2 months. Early to say anything else but I wanna thank you for tolerating my child-like behaviour. My nonsensical temper. Everything and everything. I hope it not just months that we meet but years or f.o.r.e.v.e.r

It sound abit kiddy to mention forever but days goes on very well with you around me.

Little surprise you gave me each time. Little things that makes my heart pour out to you.

Miscommunication always lead us to quarrelling.

And I always thought our age gap is a problem though just 5 years away but you and I can see we have alot of things that we dont agree of sometimes. Different thinking, different ways of handling things.

Im still willing to go through all those obstacles. From 2 person to become 1 you see. Which is why they say, love are always so amazing.

OH,

Vic bought me and him a Man U Jersey. Last Saturday MAN U won the match. YAY!!

Psst, actually I know nothing about Man U or soccer. Hahaha
I just tried compromising with someone I love :)

New york has this very tasty dish call seafood hot plate I think!
It was delicious ! ;)

Dion say she wants to teach me about the bar stuff. Whether she is serious about it, I felt so stress and has doubts towards myself if I can do it. But still I am keen to learn...

I spread mayo on Vic lip the other day and now he did it back to me :( .

2010-04-13T14:05:00.003+08:00

ITE starts yesterday. MeiLien Stella Weiying and Xinyi went back to school for higher nitec...

I miss school!

I miss them!

I miss the crap we created!

I miss the noise we always make!

I miss the fun that is only share within the 7 of us!

But I choose to go to Cidesco. Forgive me.

A shorter way for me. I mention it many times and I still wanna say it once more time. In the future, I hope/I wish we will still keep in the tightest contact.

Regards, Tricia xoxo

Had dinner @ J.B

We intended to have brownie again but the cafe we went to doesnt have it :(

So we ate the flourless chocolate with Ice white coffee. Stomach was so not feeling well after that. Maybe because we were too full and bloated!

Have been eating too much lately. Too much too much. The good thing is I've slim down, stomach grows bigger after every meal but the next day morning, it gone!! Poor Vic grow fatter :P

I look so tired :(

2010-04-11T04:12:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was nicely spent with the girls @ Maska. But the time seem so short. We order a Black Label but finish the whole bottle by maybe 3-4 person within 1 or 2 hours time.

Surprising, black label is good. Compare to Martell or Chivas. A new change of taste although they say black label are usually drank by old uncles etc.

It is so tough to get all the girls meet up together. But how much I wish they would celebrate my birthday with me. Be it in advance or belated :) ... The prettiest thing is how real we are being together rather then some people who have thought we are just attention seekers.

That day @ Maska. I think Mei Lien is in love with me! She keep snapping all these photos :x

Proof 1

Proof 2

Proof 3

Proof 4

and went sushi buffet with Vic the other day. Force mayo into his lips. HAHA!

2010-04-07T14:47:00.006+08:00

Offically happy birthday to you, Jieling :) . Jieling's brother and Winston :)

Went to the BBQ celebration. Met up with old mates. Chit chatted and had some fun. Too bad time flies, cinderalla times up. I have to go back to where I belong. Meet up with my aunt and her friend @ The Bark Cafe @ Changi. Thank god the taxi uncle know the place. ^.^

All the fun that we had make me realise I am still the same. The same old me. Thank you. I feel good to have you guys as my friends. My happy pals..

Had some finger food and had wine. Wanted to have brownie again but the kitchen is closed by the time Im there :(

I am so surprised at the waitress who serve the wine for us. They just pour this thick for us. In the end, we left without finishing the whole bottle. Too awful :/

Head back to Grapevine because Vic is working. Had champagne again and went for supper. Stomach was so bloated after that :(

I think I have never say this here or let anybody know this. Help me, I am so in love with you now. Any actions that you do, any words that you say can make me go breathless.

2010-04-06T15:38:00.003+08:00

Happy 18th birthday Jieling :)

Preparing to her birthday celebration soon~

Miss you dear.

This was taken @ the Jb trip.

And I have a urge to take this photo. I just realise the goldfish at my workplace just like to stick together. So cute!

2010-04-04T21:07:00.007+08:00

Back from JB. It was a tiring trip because Vic and I didnt had a good sleep yesterday night. He went out to buy Mac "supper" cum "breakfast" @ 4 am because both of us were starving after work. Love you dear!

First time exploring JB. Went shopping and the things were so cheap. Went to this sort of restuarant. In the end, Im the only one ended up who accidentally ate the raw chicken. Almost puke.

Our first adidas couple shirt :)
I have never wear couple shirt out before. lol!

Went airport to eat popeye with dear and his family.

All the falls, you brought me up. All the tears, you wipe it away. All the smiles that we share will still continue. I just love you, dont know why. Just too over till I become so petty. Or selfish. I didnt lie. Like why should I. No matter what had happened before to us. I swear to say I am still feeling sincere over you.

Its true you cant explain how the feeling grows. Like when I thought I lost you in the shopping mall @ JB today but in the end I just saw you in one corner smiling at me. My heart felt so relieved and happy. It is hard for you to really enter another real side of me because my heart is difficult to be open. I want you to keep trying no matter how hard it will be in future. I wont give up unless you do. So please dont break my heart too Victor Koh..

The other time went shopping. My aunt and I spent until 200 plus in a adidas shop. Wanted to buy this shirt below but changed my mind. I have too many black in my wardrobe :P

Some overloaded pictures...
@ my granny house. And that baby is my little cousin. He doesnt seem to like me :(

Okay, I am going to cut my hair tomorrow. Or at least do something better to it :)

2010-04-01T03:06:00.003+08:00

Im really troubled. Really troubled. I hope my girlfriends who seen this post would at least give me a text of concern.

I have always wanted to blog this out but I always lost the feeling of expressing.

Everyone have been watching my happy times passed by. Actually I have unhappy times too, like who dont have it yeah..

Im very glad Vic and I had a big fight today. After work. we shout, we scream at the top of our voice when we're quarrelling. No thats not crazy. In fact, I appreciated all that still. At least he finally let out all the problems I have been giving him all these while.

Because of my mood swings, because of little things. I get angry at him. Cant believe it, Tricia. Cant believe Im so petty... But all these prove something. Im still young. So young. I still have that I-want-to-be-pampered attitude.

I dont mean it though... We explained everything. I wish for the future would be brighter and even much happier for us.

But of course, the problem Im feeling trouble are not because of this. Something are not so nice to mention it over here...

Even though it dont happen exactly on me but someone so dear to me. Just by thinking a life is going to be take away tomorrow can make me lost my sleep for 3 days 3 nights I guess.

You know people, god this thing can be so amazing. Retribution can be so true that make you lost your breathing. But people tend to forget about it. Frankly speaking, Im from a catholic school last time and I believe in Jesus although Im a buddist. Even till now, I still do. I dont usually disturb those believers.. but ever since me with my peers, I started teasing one and another but deep down I tease it for fun of course though its rude to them...

I forgotten if I have speak any mean things about others and etc...

But whether you believe it, it can be so true and creepy that may make you ruin your own future. So whenever you wanna talk about something or someone, think twice.

I mean it because I've seen it, myself.

Because I've seen it, Im feeling very heartbroken now... All these will take a little time to heal up. Another wound in my heart which is filled with so many scars. I believe I can do it this time round too. I have you dear. I have no worries anymore.

But some friends I missed so much. You guys should know it.
Would yous even remember me and share some concern?? :(

P/S; Dont ask me anything. Its not about me.

2010-03-31T14:03:00.003+08:00

so I really force my boyfriend to have brownie that day after dinner with his family. We had a sumptuous dinner that day in the thai restaurant located @ the Hougang St 21. The one that you usually have to Q up. It was surprising to be good.

Cant believe the very next hour, we went for brownie. Poor darling!!

Contradiciting mood...

Something happened at home. How I wish I dont know anything. I cannot hear anything and I cannot see anything. I cant believe my family are like this. *sigh*

I feel so disgrace. So ashamed.

Candid shots. Vic and me :)

2010-03-28T18:17:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was quite of a long day.

Was suspose to meet Jolyn but didnt in the end. Grrr.
Went to eat Ichiban for lunch with Vic! My suggestion. Hahahs.

After that did a bit of the shopping. Spent like 200++ in a day already. Went Joo chiat for dinner @ a Modern Italian Restaurant with Vic's friends. They serve really good food and love the lava cake over there! As all his friends were there, I didnt dare to snap any pictures. *blush*

Sadly, they'll open until next tuesday only. I dont know how to go there but its after Geylang Serai, somewhere @ Joo Chiat or something.

Went temple to pray and home sweet home. Did extraction for Vic makes me miss school/lessons/friends and attachment time...

Why Meiyan never reply my text when I beep her ah???

Vic's mum make tasty wanton! I am going to pester him for brownie supper later :)
After a long day spent together, now Im home but I miss you still.. :)

Mr Victor choose this outfit for me. A flowery dress I never thought I'll be wearing it. Yet it looks nice. Good taste dear! ;)

2010-03-27T03:55:00.003+08:00

Oh my dear diary.

Oh my dearest dearest old mates friends.

Remember whenever my mood swung, everyone around me has to suffer. I remembered telling myself I will change. Kick off that habit and dont hurt anybody during that period of time. But I always failed :( .

Why is it, that it happen to me everytime aunt comes to visit me. I used to hurt my friends and in the end I have to apologise for everything. Now I hurt my boyfriend. My lovely boy.

I failed to be an understanding girlfriend.

I failed to be a concern girlfriend.

Who am I? Just a small girl who only knows how to throw my tantrum.

Whatever I do, I swear to you and myself Im being so true. Sometimes I cant control myself when my mood when high up and I'll hurt you (physically). Like cut you in the face, kick you at the toe and etc...

But when my mood went right down, I hurt you so emotionally.

Yeah. I sound like a violent girlfriend and I always complain to my diary. I dont care if any people out there going to read it and comment. At least this is where I can speak my feelings out. Not that I doesnt want to share with you. You should know, your always in my heart/my mind.

Im gladful for how you make me feel so comfortable about love.

Im gladful for how you had appreciated me.

You've got to remember, I am always trying. Trying to be the best girlfriend for you. Someone who takecare of you in and out, left and right. Hahas ;)

Tricia is fat and ugly now. No one would want to see me.

I keep telling myself no supper. But I ended up eating more. And have been consuming supper for about a week. What a sin :'( .

I am a CIDESCO student now :) . Waiting for school to start.. And I'll still hope my bunch of bitch will remember my birthday and celebrate it with me....

2010-03-24T15:29:00.004+08:00

Tricia is feeling very very vexed for school and work.
Tricia is feeling very very unhealthy.
Tricia wants to workout so so much.
Tricia feeling like she got asthma now.
Tricia feel so so tired.
Tricia wants to get a life.
Tricia miss her friends. Her friends that should have forgotten about her by now :( .
Tricia wants to go shopping. She wants money.
Tricia have been eating alot but her weight still stays @ 44kg.
Tricia likes to work and work and keep herself busy and tired :) .

Tricia really had brownie the other day for supper at Mac. But it was so sweet. And yummy :P.

2010-03-22T15:40:00.000+08:00

Part 2 of the day.

Can you believe this was me? Hahahs

2010-03-22T03:51:00.002+08:00

Stay over @ Vic house after a tiring day of work.

Man U VS Liverpool is it?! Heard it was a draw or was it Man U who won the game. I dont get it why guys get so addicting to soccer. I once asked Vic about it. Guess what he replied??

"Its the same like how girls like make up. So why do girls love make up?"

Hahahas, it a different thing though. But it is all about gambling I guess.

Vic's turn to bring me to the doctor. And I was diagnose with serious "gastric". Why is it in this "" form, because gastric is just a term of sickness which doctor had say. If medicine dont cure me, cure the pain that it keep haunting me recently, I will need to go for a X RAY. Am so weak. Trying to be strong and stand high.

But each time my heartburn or gastric aches up, I am nothing.

Ever since I came into Vic life, I somehow felt what is it to be like a h.o.m.e

How is it feel like to have a father who runs outside just to earn money for the family.

And a mother who takecare of your health and cook good food .

I got a good father who has to act like a mother in taking care of me and my brother. But relationship between us aint that good actually.

It feels good to feel like a home. A nice built home. No matter how envy I felt, it wouldnt be the same to me again..

Lovely boy is drying my hair for me now. Hehe.. Oh gosh, it is 4 am now. I've got to go. Goodnight everyone.

No alcholic . No spicy thing . No coffee . No tea . No sour food .

I can live without those but how am I going to eat without my favourite chili :(

So vexed. @ work. In life.

2010-03-20T14:20:00.002+08:00

Victor is sick for the past few days.

Accompany him to the doctor. I think polyclinic doctor are just so stupid!! No offence. They talk alot but what they say has no link to why a patient is sick. For example, the one we went yesterday, keep talking about medicine/pills etc. As if we know anything about the pills.

I have been sucking up to supper for many nights! Like Bak Ku Teh @ Joo Chiat the day before. Frog leg porridge @ Geylang the day before before. And Ban Mian @ Toa Payoh yesterday. So what's tonight? Hahahas.

I have been craving for brownie and I am going to have it later while!

YUM :P

P/S; There goes my beautifully built ABS :(
P/S; Oh friend, you had no idea why I speak such nasty things :(

2010-03-18T14:15:00.004+08:00

Brought my new cap from Adidas! Nothing special. The most special thing is I love cap. But nothing really capture my interest ever since the last cap I bought until this :).

Psst. C.A.M.WH.O.R.I.N.G

Nuffnang is good!

Just receive my first cheque from nuffnang! :)

Now I understand

What you tried to say to me

How you suffered for your sanity

How you tried to set them free

They would not listen they did not know how

Perhaps they'll listen now

2010-03-17T22:22:00.001+08:00

FRIEND :(

2010-03-16T03:35:00.002+08:00

Sorry guys. I have to stay so private today.

Dont know why it aches so much.

2010-03-14T19:05:00.004+08:00

I get so carried away by love. My temper changed. So selfish.

Sorry Vic.

After tonight, I got to restrict myself from seeing you for a week.

Hope your test turn out to be a flying colour. All the best my dear. I'll pray for you... :)

For 15th March 2010. Yes. Very happy one month spent with you xoxo.

---------------------------------------------

Had SUSHI ! for dinner after our trip to the IT fair. It was so crowded!

2010-03-12T02:08:00.005+08:00

These few days have been having fun since I become a free man.

No need to get up early for attachment next day.

But I think it through again, happy time fly so fast. I'll be back studying again. A student, a student who learn beauty stuff.

At times I feel like Im someone who dont use my brain at all. Like my brain is not functioning. Like for so long I hadnt been using my heart to do something. I leave home early everyday and return home late. Im a girl but I dont do any of the household chores. Im hardworking but I spend every single cent of my money.

I in search of something which I could use my heart to do something.

I uses my heart to love somebody. I uses my heart in my friendship but how about my future. What I wanna be or what am I gonna do.

The more I think about it, the more useless I felt about myself. Is this the process of growing up where you would become lost in life? I have been doing things for the sake of it. Is either I have been told to do so or its a must for me to do it.

Just hope time can guide me along the way....

Thought I can meet my colleague for dinner today but some of them couldnt make it :(

Went Cine with Vic for dinner. And sing K @ night ~ ! :D

Your smile capture my breath :)

Steamboat supper that night. YUM!

2010-03-10T11:06:00.004+08:00

Shoot yesterday with Glenn cancelled again. Just no idea why, no fate probably. Haha..

Went SwissHotel for Buffet with Vic, Dion and Edmund. Surprisingly, I was the last person to get full. Steamboat for supper tonight after work. And my spa farewell dinner tomorrow. I cant wait! Because this is the period I consume food the most.

Someone invited me into this group in Memorial of a Japanese Girl who died after 44 days of torture. Although this incident happened in like 1983 or something but it affected my thinking alot. It was so cruel. She dont deserve to be like this at all. But anyway, I just wish her to rest in peace now.. If you guys were to come across that group/page, do read. Till then, you'll know the world is not as easy as how we thought.

As each days goes by, feeling get attached to every single of you much. As feelings grow, another phobia of mine starts growing. Its too early to say this but we're turning one month soon. Time flies. From the day we start working together, to how I approached you to the process of how we get together. Everything seem amazing. How many steps I took to forget the pain Mr N had caused to how many steps I took to trust you and our relationship.

To other people I change boyfriend fast. But they usually do not know the whole picture of everything. I am a sucker in relationship. With you. I tried many things. I tried going over my limit as a girlfriend which I dont do usually. This time, I felt you clapping along. Your love, your touch give me the warmth which I lose them for so long ago.

Im very scare of our future. Nobody knows about future. We will meet many obstacles. Because I myself dont know what I want my future want to be like. For every single things I do, I'll remember to cherish what I had now with you.

I dare not say too much. But I just wanna say, you are the one who brings l.o.v.e to me where I never thought love is this kind of the happiness. Thank you xoxo.

2010-03-08T13:42:00.004+08:00

Beautiful pictures. Beautiful actions. I shall put my words aside...

Vic brought me to Ichiban for dinner the other day! My favourite food! But due to my weak stomach, there are alot of things I cant have :(

Went back school for presentation the next day. Guess what, my report got rejected due to very little of words. I must return school today, again to pass teacher my report. Grr.

Had dinner @ Vic's uncle house yesterday while he was playing the mahjong. Headed to lower selator reservoir. It was windy and nice to have someone cuddling you around... :) .

2010-03-01T19:47:00.004+08:00

Anybody recognise this smile of mine?

Yeah, I get hold of this smile before but it disappeared so fast. Before I could even notice why. I look very ugly when I laugh happily. But I still choose to keep this picture in the end. I want to capture every emotion of ours... :)

His not a photographer. Just playing with his friend camera ;)

Had some programs running up this few days. It'll be long-winded to go but anyway, last day of Chinese new year, went Vic' s friend house. It was pretty stress visiting his friends and his families probably because I never did this before. But I enjoyed it, not for the sake of him but deep down I felt what he wants me to feel. If one day I lose this smile, I wouldnt regret because I felt somebody clapping along with me in a relationship.

So what if we are 5 ages gap apart.

So what if we are going to have different mindset in future.

Love brings 2 different person together and that is why now, Im here with you.

Head off to Marina Barrage in the middle of the night! Was too concentrated in the conversations between us, forgotten to snap some outdoor pictures. But I believe going there @ night would be much better than going in the noon. At least it gets a lil bit windy though.

Last week of attachment!My spa move me to my company office now. Working hour is a 9 - 6. Im so glad it ends at 6 but 9 am job isnt such a good thing.

No longer a morning bird.

If one day anyone of you would to see me outside in the morning, dont doubt.

My face look like there is no blood circulation going around and I dont really comb my hair.

I just look super shag in the morning whenever to work. Hehe..

Just to show my boss I am so unhappy workin for attachment... Hhahahas, joking -.-

so many things to do, got a pile of job @ work to be finished. And then my report later.

2010-02-28T00:04:00.003+08:00

Thanks dear for your everything.

How much I appreciate it. I love you.

2010-02-25T15:49:00.006+08:00

I suddenly missed school.

Primary school. Secondary school or even school in ITE.

Too bad I didnt have any pictures for me to keep it as a memorable thing. I actually have my primary school class photo but I dont know where did I lose it :(

Secondary school was so corrupted. I remember where we played paper ball, some even played with the fire extinguisher. And every single person in my class including me were suspposed to retain @ sec 3 but lucky school thinks that they have no slot for the whole class to retain. Hahahas.

Although people say ITE isnt that bad now but there are still people looking down on them. I ignore what my dad says and move on to ITE. I know if I try harder abit, I can go to 'O' level. But I give it a miss. Here I come to beauty therapy. Now I realise it is something I want to do other then modelling.

I missed my friends. Oh god, Im growing up already. And each time I grow up, friendship drifted far away each time. Why, why.

Look at all the fun I have here... :)

Im a workaholic. I cant deny. I like tiring myself up @ the end of the day. Sometimes I choose to miss out the fun with friends just to work. Slowly when I found somebody into my life, I realise we are still young. We work but we still have to enjoy our youth. But it seems too late because of the negliance of my health previously, I had to suffer gastric pain which may ache up anytime :(

When I was young, I have to survive with tonics/medicine and I thought I can get rid of that now. Who knows, it start all over again :(

Went temple with Victor in the morning. Saw this python in my life which I think it is the largest snake I am going to see right infront of me! I think it wants to eat me up because it keep staring and hissing at me. Goosebumpppppppppppppppppp !

I dreamt to be like Nicole Scherzinger when I am younger.

Now I dream to cook for the one I love..

2010-02-22T23:18:00.004+08:00

Im @ home! Early beep.

Was force by myself to be home. To rush my report for attachment ending presentation. By then, I'll be so free! Will end my attachment @ 7 march I guess. Owe them some hours which will be delay. Serve me right :(:(:(:(:(

I tell myself Im going to sleep 3 days 3 nights once attachment ends. Hehe, to make up for the dark eye circles that have been built up!

Okay, I dont want to waste tonight which I hardly can stay home @ night. Im working most of the time !

2010-02-18T17:21:00.005+08:00

You know sometimes you see yourself,

Just see yourself someone not good enough. And though there's times when you feel like you cant do nothing right.

And then security takes ahold obscures your vision of your soul. You cant see whats inside... Open up your eyes.

Take a moment to love the one you are.

"Cant love nobody else until you love you"

It been so long since I slept late the previous night and got up real early this morning. And how many wonderful good times I missed out the sunlight. My working hours in spa is always either 10 - 7 or 12 - 9. Totally missed out all the sun.

I wonder if I had decided to work in this kind of indoor spa, can I bear to throw the sunlight behind...

Cut the crap Tricia.

People are waiting for your explanation..

Well, I dont know how to break the news. For if I do this, I'll hurt somebodies... But if I dont, this will not hide forever too.

I have no excuses to cover up the pain I gave but I seriously didnt control my feelings. It just go this way and met... Him.

Now my whole family is behaving weird since I introduce him :)

2010-02-17T10:19:00.003+08:00

Hello guys.

How have been your CNY and your valentine's going ?

Yes and I have been drinking after since that friday for so many nights and had serious hangover!. Gambling... Hmmm, Just so not a year for me !

Well, just a sneak preview... :)

2010-02-13T13:19:00.008+08:00

When are we going to have whole 8 ? :(

It's chinese new eve today and I love reunion dinnerrrrrrrrrrr! Not of the reunion thing but I love steamboat so much !!

No doubt, I am suspose to work today but I took MC. Fcuking lots of hours I owe them till now I think but who cares!!! Went Maska to celebrate Meilien 18th birthday. Bet she enjoys her chivas cheesecake alot though.

Pictures !!!

I didnt know I look so funny when I was talking. Hahahahs

And the first valentine present I receive this year...!

Seriously, I really hate soft toys but I always gotten them. Maybe my face suits to have them or something. Hahahas, but anyway I liked it. A sign of appreciation

I have another round of drinking session with my aunt tonight. Still considering whether to go!

2010-02-11T03:47:00.001+08:00

Sorry guys. Wanted to blog more tonight but I dint know its almost 4 am now.

I am going to bed now. Good morning by the way.

P/S; What's good for me..

2010-02-04T03:15:00.007+08:00

I think each time I went MIA for a few days, you guys would expect my post filled with pictures again. Yes I am. And I promise Shidah I'll upload them asap but I drag until now :) .

Now I have 184 mails in my inbox. So lazy to dig them out!

Since pictures are here, I shall leave it to them to do the talking. No specific post today. Goodnight :)

Oh ya, went grapevine to drink yesterday. A sneak preview how cute Jo look ;)

Hoegarden is better then any of the beers!

And I have been looking this tired... Sighhh

2010-01-29T00:35:00.005+08:00

need to sleep but I want to write my heartfelt word. I have been staring into this for quite sometimes. Before I started typing, I felt angry and upset. After some thoughts, I think if I should... Is it right?

But anyway, went down Jolyn workplace to talk about some modelling stuff. Went to grab our dinner after she finish her work.

She look so depressed now. Doesnt seem to be like how she used to be. Maybe everyone is behaving like this, struggling with attachment. Struggling with future. A person who always joke all the time is always the most fragile one. The things they wish for, they expected more because they are the one who usually who doesnt get what they wish for.

Talking about myself? I guess so.

I wonder how's Stella, Jiasin, MeiLien, Pearl, Xinyi.

Missed school.

Think back again, how's Stella, Michele, Liling, Jieling, Anna, Yinghui.

Yes, Im living great now. With no unhappiness in my mind because no one yet that important can make me break down in my life. Now I am whining, because yeah, bunch of important people affected me. My mood.

Tanweiying, I have been thinking about you. You were the reason that make my day go high and low. I feel like stabbing myself at my heart and shout fcuk it 10 times. I fcuking dont know why Im feeling sour whenever you wasnt there with me. I fcuking had no idea why you dont SEEM to apreciate the way I had. Maybe last year when teacher put you to be Jo and my buddy, everything is fated. Fated for how it is to be, how am I feeling like this. I dont know why the fcuking hell would I cry over you like how Mr.N who breaks my heart.

I fcuking dont know why I know I am the one who stand the pain, I choose to leave but I cant bear and came back to you. While I am still feeling hurt but I just had to act like nothing happen to go on. Its my fault to give up the first few times. But Im still trying.

The world is catching up to you but your running away.

Is it time to make my move or was it Im just being fcuking sensitive and paranoid.

You should know better.

We've been hiding enough.

I sound fcuking gay here but this was how I felt over this friendship. This damn whole thing I have been complaining, feeling upset about ever since I make you my friend..

Sometimes I asked if you missed me, I know you did. But all I want is just a "yes" from you. Couldnt you try? Doesnt our friendship have this price for you to at least give it a try? Have it ever come to your thought how to make someone who is important in your life happy? By not just hearing their problems but the way you do. Even a little hug gave them everything.

You always say you tried. But all I see and watch was Im the one chasing after you. Chasing after someone who would never slow down their footstep for me. Why, why.

Or was it I dont worth for all these..

And I dont have the luck for it.

And why do I have to vent all these out? Because I dont know who to spoke to. Who will understand how I feel. I felt crazy. Maybe few days later, I'll think Im being stupid for typing all these. I dont know.

PS; Im straight.

2010-01-28T10:04:00.008+08:00

I have a wholesome of pictures to upload.

Yah. So how have I been? Great I should say, I have been having 6-7 meals. Main dishes within a day.

And I have been drinking quite oftenly in grapevine after work. Now my tummy popping up which I dont know it is my fats or my beer belly.

Close your eyes and think of what you want...

I've given up to go Higher Nitec and choose CIDESCO. That day higher nitec interview, Ms Tay called and asked why I didnt appear for higher nitec. When I told her my plan, I can feel she feel sad :(

I hope what I choose will be good for me, my future.

But I would keep wishing my clique in school will always remember me and keep in contact like always. Even if the day we have no topic to talk about, I will keep finding craps to talk about.

So Tricia ya.. :)

Met Alvin Lee one of the day and I didnt know he got such a big mouth!

Look at my eye ring. They are realllll!

And all these while, I can drink up to 4 serving of milk in a day. Thats crazy. Perhaps my tummy are REAL :P

After so much of food, of course I need to exercise! Especially I got to train on ABS!

And went Jacuzi. I thought I was camwhore enough but I met someone who is more camwhoring!!

Hey Edward, Bella choose to go. For this minute how she break your heart, you broke million pieces of hers in the past. Do you think sorry can amend up everything by the time she took to forget about you? So she left and you are back. But once she decided to walk away, she'll never turn back her head again... You can try harder if you want.

2010-01-22T00:33:00.005+08:00

Was going for a sunset theme shooting with Glenn. But it was cancelled due to the raining days, I was all prepared and out !

Why does it rain just yesterday!?

Now no shoot plus no sunset to see. Grrr.

So went to find Daryl to get back my calculator. Had Sushi for LUNCH! Yes. Sushi.

Hotate Mentaiyaki. A kind of scallop which smells really good but too bad, I dont appreciate it. Cause Im scare of the taste of scallop :)

Slack while Chitwan and his girlfriend came along.

Been how long since I see them?

One treated me good with all his heart and the other protect me like a little sister. Now, both of them turn out to be a................................... JOKING :)

Anyone find him familiar? ;)

Chit chit !

Went town for dinner. @ Coffee club.

Chicken lasgne. It was a little bit salty though :S.

And somehow gotten myself 2 toy bear. So toy-catching could be so exciting too ;)

2010-01-18T23:34:00.005+08:00

Im like a virus for these few days. Anyway, the way I cough just turn people off and how sexy my voice become. Now flu is attacking me. I hope fever dont come next.

Yesterday I say Im not going to sleep but in the end, I couldnt take it and I doze off and decided to take MC for work. Wha a lousy peservation. If im not sick at all, I might do it. You guys should have seen my eye ring. They are so heavy now. And round. Hehe

Like Im under stress or taking drugs.

You know even when Im sleep, I dreamt I was stuck in between my 2 jobs. Horrible. I need to relieve them in a healthy way soon.

One good new is my consuming to cig is getting lesser and lesser each day. I could have quit completely but sometimes, the urge of having them are still there.

Did I mention I did a full body massage for this angmoh? He was kind of big sized. Much bigger then any asian body but his perfume that he is using smells great. My hand was almost shivering when my first touch on his body. But luckily, everything went smoothly (:

Oh, and I should count myself lucky at work I guess. For I've met wonderful workmates who takecare of us.

Especially her, ZuNa.

I am not fully recovered but she treat me to delicious dessert I cant resist :P .

Zyra, a patient girl who taught us alot of stuffs.

And Shida, a funny friend. And always making me laugh alone in the end -,-

Talking about friends, I missed my friends so much. I guess they should know who am I talking about... :)

And I am surprised to pass by this every morning. This was the last place me and Mr N been to. This place look so different in the morning and night. Maybe because Mr N wasnt with me anymore too... (:

I didnt get to capture this when we were together. Now you weren't there anymore, I have to pass by this path alone where you last hold me close. I capture this now meaning I'll capture all of our memories, slowly the films in my mind will be wash away as well...

2010-01-17T04:40:00.002+08:00

Time check; 5.04am

Yes. Haven't sleep yet.
Just came back from grapevine. Had my supper with them. Here I am. I cant get to bed because I know I would overslept. Got something on quite important to attend to for work later. Cant afford to be late.

Cant afford to be sick too but I think I am about to break down soon.

So, I've decided to work lesser from next week onward.

God bless me with a healthy body please..

2010-01-14T19:01:00.005+08:00

I dont want to rewind back how long can I continue to move on

But seeing you how happy your living now...

I realise the one who worth your love, wasn't me.

Too many pictures to talk

2010-01-13T23:02:00.032+08:00

If I am here to post what have I been up to, I think my pictures later will speak.

Work is totally boring!! Make me feel lifeless, wasting my time ~

Im going to school tomorrow to apply for higher nitec...

Meiyan and I have been camwhoring again and again till we are so sick of it!

Hmmm, what is that in the picture??

So here are some pictures to show part of my workplace and what are we usually doing daily.

And Im sick! Too much tibits make my throat so sore and have ulcers !

I dont know why my eyelash look so fake here which I didnt even wear any fake eyelashes.

Here is one picture of Meiyan with her stupid hair-do. Muahahaha

End work today and meet Jo and Ian for dinner. Went to fetch TanBAO after work.

I met this friend lately, who I haven't been spending much time with him/her. Things start to become odd. We no longer feel heart telepathy somehow, he/she no longer belong to me anymore. When I see him/her, my heart hurt a bit each time. I have no courage to look up to him/her. Why is that so?

But inside, I want this friend so much.

2010-01-11T20:58:00.004+08:00

Fuck you, Tricia

for screwing everything up.

Something causing my mental to go haywire. Temper went bad :(

Pictures I've found. Taken long ago like last year feb.

Some of my favourites;

Credit; Andy .

I dont need happiness now to live.

2010-01-10T10:21:00.004+08:00

P/S; I dont wear specs for fun hor. I really need to wear but just sometimes I am too lazy :S

Hello. How are you,

You seem to be doing... fine :)

Workaholic is here.

I am totally a cat in the morning and a lion in the night. It's almost 1 week of work and I have been splurging my money on cab to work T.T

Im working at 12 later. But I think Im going to cab there too as well :S

Attachment days was fine. Just that sometimes you get too boring. Sometimes you can sit there for hours ALONE with nobody walking in.

Sometimes its so busy you might make any single mistake, you will DIE.

Of course, during my boring days. I camwhore ! HEHE

Yesterday someone did eyebrow tweezing/pedicure and facial for me :)

( Before )

( After ). On spa hydrating mask :)

Enjoying ah ~

My shift and her now is not the same anymore. I get so jealous for my previous week cause she leave work @ 7pm while mine is at 9 ! :(

Anybody miss my forehead!? Because I myself miss it and I think my forehead needs some air :P

2010-01-07T02:41:00.003+08:00

Time check; 2.44 am

I should be in bed now. Still got work at 11am later. It's my off for attachment but I choose to work at Sakae. Im currently taking 3 jobs now. I dont know why am I striving so hard for. I just want to earn alot alot of money when Im young.

Because I know I'll spend double of everything.

Few days back, I was thinking and planning how should I celebrate this year birthday. I give it a thought again, I should make it simple. Because after that, Im going to take my car license. Be it if Im going to have a car in future. But to have a license by your side 24/7 always make you feel secure.

For example, your friend is drunk and he/she cant drive. Therefore, you are needed :)

Including if your not drunk too* -.-

I dont know how others who is the same age as me can enjoy their days so joyfully but for me, Im always chasing after something.

Something important in my life for future. But right now, I cant share what is it because I myself have no idea too.

Besides, that makes life much more meaningful aint it?

Tricia is currently leading a busy schedule back once again. In a new year.

This time round, she'll be smart enough to take care of her health too. And my leg recover fast:). Be it if it gonna hurts when I get older.

I would be free soon. Because I wouldnt let youth go to the drain as well. Work is a thing but play is also another thing too.

Attachment day was rather bored. I started doing stuff at the counter yesterday and everything was so quiet. No walk-in customers. And deep inside, I just pray any handsome angmohs will walk in.

Wait and wait.... Still not even a single soul appear.

Meiyan is the culprit to share we read magazine during work instead. HEHE

"Welcome to Essence Vale Spa. Tricia is here, how may I help you? ;) "

Dear Lien xoxo,

After knowing what happened to you and what you had wrote in your blog. My heart falls out for you. I know you wouldnt want this to happen or anyone of us to feel anything like this towards you.

Me as a friend, the most terrible thing now is I have to act like nothing happen. And ask nothing even if my mind have thousands of question. I would really like to share another shoulder for you but I Know you wouldnt want it. I know a little bit more about you then the rest. Therefore, I want to help you more.

I want to share your problems but you keep a distance away from us, me.

What I have to do now is to respect your decision and wait till the day you're willing to share.

Love is really amazing. They can give us the richest happiness in life but they can also make us have nothing in life. It depends how you handle it.

Losing your love now doesnt mean losing everything yet. You got to hold yourself back. Soon, you'll be going for trainings and trainings. You cant let this break you down because when times come, you will regret. As that will be when you lose everything.

Make yourself a better person before you pursue your love. If you confirm your the other partner as your lifetime partner, then now, strive something out for yourself first. Few years down the road, if your love come back, everything will go more smoothly when time pass.

Your character now. You dont want anybody to help you up. So you make sure you stand up yourself. Think about your future. And what you want. You can do it. I'll always be supporting you unknowingly. :)

2010-01-04T22:09:00.004+08:00

Tricia start her attachment !

Dont know if I should put up a smile or a sad face..

Cause I sprain my freaking damn leg @ work on sunday. Soccer night. Wooo, so many people walk past that place but I dont know why I will just fall into the drain with one leg.

Therefore, my leg was swollen like this. Pig leg T.T

I have problem walking and it is still swollen now. I dont know what to do, each movement I do is painful even when comes to sleeping. I dont want to visit the Chinese doctor :(.

First day of attachment.
It was fine. With Meiyan. That hotel has so many caucasian. I gonna walk past the gym everyday but I cant enjoy them! I hope that place where Im attach too will give me a brighter lookout for my future. Let's hope so!

I've did F&B, I've done photoshooting. Now Im going to work in a spa.

What a so new experience.

One more new year resolution. I hope someone true and mature enough will guide me along the way this year...

I dont know to go back higher nitec in Beauty after attachment or go to Cidesco to study.

Or, work at Patricia newly open shop.

:(:(

I've did my hair before attachment starts. And now, the hair colour is so blackkkk. I wanted greenish kind of black but it resulted in = S.O B.L.A.C.K

Im going to be a workaholic this year ;)

2010-01-02T19:02:00.004+08:00

I wake up in the morning and tell myself

"OMFG, its 2010. A year I turned 18!! . Tricia is here to make a new fresh start."

And it's time to put all the past behind and move on with a better life.

"Tricia, even if you're on your own. You'll make the worst out of the best."

18 years old. A year to have fun and a year to start planning your future :) .

Have been working for the past few days. Countdown at Grapevine. A bonding with all the customers. Jolyn and Weiying was there with me. Tomorrow is my last day at Grapevine and attachment will start for me on Monday! Feeling kind of worried ...

But anyway, meet up with Gerard and Julian. They disturb me out of my beauty sleep!! Had my lunch and went Tamp for my Frolick! :)

How amazing, our friendship has gone 11 coming to 12 years. :)

New year resolution,

1st, I wish and I hope I'll get in higher nitec successfully and finish my studies.

2nd, Participate in the Newspaper NewFace 2010 :)

3rd, Make my dream come true...

2009-12-30T14:44:00.005+08:00

This post is specially for, 2010. :)

Like woah, this year really pass very fast or is it I'm always busy since this year starts. And have no time to slow down my pace to see what I've lost, what have I gained and what have I been doing or what's good for me.

This post is also specially for myself. Take a look, for the entire 2009, what have I been doing...

2009, I left serangoon secondary school and went to ITE simei. Currently taking the course Beauty Therapy. And Beauty wasn't my first choice though. I so much preferably wanted to get into Tourism but they have the cut off point and I couldnt get in.

Frankly speaking, I dont mind going ITE clementi every morning from my house here.

First day of school always suck to the core but very lucky Jolyn was in the same course as me and we started at the same date. From there, Weiying and Jiasin become our buddy. Then slowly, I went to approach Stella and their clique which include Meilien etc...

Beauty therapy was a complicated course because the class were all girls, including the teachers. Which euqal to = No guys, no entertainment. Hahahas

The most regretful thing is I drop out of dance since I've come to this school. I dont feel good not practicing dance steps etc... But one day, Im gonna pick them up again.

Then one day, I've come to know David. The first guy that capture my heart on this year.

I remember once I went out with Audrey and we went Vivo. I wanted to smoke but I've got no lighter. Just nice I saw this 2 guys smoking so I went forward to borrow the lighter.

And how dumb am I. I dont know how to use their special kind of lighter !! It was so embarrassing though so David light for me.

When we wanted to go off, David ask for my number and from there, we become friends. I told you singapore was small. Back then, The other friend who was with him was Nicole's boyfriend and I didnt know.

I remember that day was his birthday. And slowly, we get together. Things went on quite smoothly until something happened and he broke off with me on that damn Valentine day. I had work, school and Im still doing modelling. On valentine day itself, I've got photoshoot. Emotions affect me and I did very badly on that day :(

I dont know how to explain things well though. Everything happen like a thunder strike. Too sudden that I couldnt accept it.

I picked myself up very fast as I thought he was just another jerk I've met.

Back to school, things got out of hand. From all the backstabbing and stuff like this and that. But class is still a class. Lastly, things will get together again. And I've gained experience from all the make up events/doing facial, manicure and pedicure.

But what Im most interested in is still body massage or maybe make up.

After David left me, Jeremy came into the picture. I should say we got together in exchange of making him to forget his ex-girlfriend and for him to make me forget my ex-boyfriend. With him, I feel inferior of myself and I suggested break-ups many times. He was my first boyfriend who is in NS. Although I know he still love his ex-girlfriend but I could feel he place his effort into our relationship.

Still, I've ended everything because we shouldnt take replacement as a love. And never will I do it again. Dont love means dont love, there is no way for love to be nurture out.

Ever since I ended all the relationships stuff, I went off to enjoy times with my clique in school. It was crazy, fun.

But I've lost contact and meet up lesser with QIUYAN. I've never forgotten about her especially the one who make cookies for me. And also the one who never give up on me. She was good but I've lost my time and energy to put in any effort.

Syazni was a good malay guy, compare to others. But I broke his heart. Ever since I know my dad would not accept me having a malay boyfriend and after I went out with all his malay friends, I know it is quite hard and possible to continue...

And I meet Nick.... I'll never forget everything. What a fresh wound underneath my heart.

How do I know him ?

He got one of his friend to take number from him and I was shocked because usually it was malay who ask and not chinese. I vaguely remember I was very cold towards him. Is like when I replied him, that is only because Im bored, finding for entertainment. Yet he was still there, after 1, 2 months. We started going out for movies. And always movies. Haha

And if you were together with him, you would know how he behave. He dont need to do anything to please you. But just so naturally, it feels naturally comfortable with him. He asked me to be his girlfriend but I reject him a number of times until in the end, I find him to my liking and Im scare he would leave just like that.

Because of him, I enter alcohol, bike world. Because of him, I started drinking and till now, Im kinda addicted to it but if it's not because of my dad. I would have drink like maybe every week.

I always ignore the fact that I loved him. Because I never wanted to get hurt and take this as a game. As times goes by, the things we do together, Im falling in, sinking deep. So deep I cant hold myself back.

I remembered how we cooked our "yong tau hu" together. I wash the plates and he put it back.

I remembered we go all the way to Changi airport just for supper in the middle of the night and from terminal 1, we had to walk back to terminal 3 just because I said I never take sky train before and he wants to take it. :)

I remembered when he say, he wants to create memories of him insides me. He wants me to remember him every emotions with him.

I remembered how I get drunk and vomited on his sofa. The next morning, he tell me he was clearing my vomit by using his hand to clean it up.

He was the reason why I fall in love with sun again.

Sadly, Plaza Sing was the first and last place we've been to.

So fast, things ended. I had many family problems before me and him were together. When we were together, he brought away my unhappiness. He gives me no reason for me to feel sad over them. Maybe I got myself too into him, I lost myself. I lost the game. I thought I could make me his everything but I actually make him my everything first.

I have many questions and I could take back no answer. So painful sometimes I could hardly breathe.

After he left, all the problems comes together. My friends almost lose me.

Because so silly, I break down. And so hard to stand up. I start to drink even more especially the feeling of getting drunk. Although it feels terribly but you dont have to worry for anything.

My friends come comforting me one by one but I ignore them. Until Jolyn's mum came. Her words, helped me alot. And I'll remember it.

I fall badly. But I stood up strongly back. I've let obstacles overtake me. Im gonna push them all aside.

2009, I've met many wonderful peoples who helped me alot. Like Peckswee. I know your feelings. But for now, I could only take you as my good friend.

"Ng Jing Yi" . 2-3 years ago, I thought I mean nothing to you. 2-3years later, I found myself standing almost the top in your heart. You helped me alot throughout this year which I dont know how to express my gratitdue. I want to be your friend forever. And stay beside you. I promise I wouldnt mind the KP side of you :)

I have 3 new year resolution for 2010. But I'll leave it secret before 2010 is really here ;)

Last gathering in 2009 perhaps

2009-12-29T01:52:00.005+08:00

Went out with my girls. Me being the organiser. Tell you it wasn't an easy task though but seeing them was great. Especially when we talked non-stop.

I've got to wake up real early tomorrow. For an interview at New York skin care solution or London weight management. I preferably likes London weight but this interview is for getting a full-time job after my attachment. And I have no idea whether to continue to higher nitec or come out and work.

Feeling vexed........

Meet up with Jo and head for Orchard first. Walk around and did some shopping. Coincidentally, we dress up almost the same. Forgotten to share, maybe thats the reason why her mum was my godmother :)

Almost the first woman I had to call her a "mum" in my life... ;)

Rest of the girls reached around 8 and we went for our ice cream and dinner at Swensens.

Pixy pixy !!

"Yong Mei Lien". At times, I took her like a little sister to me who love doing disgusting things like me...

"Leong Jia Sin". A girl who had a tough character. And taught me many things. Someone who resemble half of Mr.N gives me the courage to love even harder.

"Tan Wei Ying". A friend I love so much which I have no idea why. Maybe its true when people say "things they get a tougher time to get it, the more they wants to get it". Someone once say we look alike. But sometimes I think our heart gets connected.

"Lim Soo Ping". A very happy-go-lucky girl. A girl who sometimes look so japanese that I wanted to give a "kawaii" post with her. Hahahas

P/S; Rumors can be flying everywhere. Judge/know me by yourself and not by others mouth.

2009-12-28T02:29:00.002+08:00

I hate bidding goodbye the most :(

Now, I learnt something.

I always thought it was Mr N who left me. But actually, it was Mr N who wants me to leave. The minute he doesnt want me to be in his life, I've got to go. Therefore, I need to force myself out of his life. But there are times where I would recollect all the memories between us.

Afterall, you have been in my heart all these while.

P/S; The one who have to go are the one who feel more terrible then the one who stay.

2009-12-27T11:22:00.004+08:00

Visit http://www.chemi-cally.blogspot.com/ . Not only visit, support too :)

Today is my last day working at Sakae now. Feeling kind of down to part with those fun people. But at work would met all these of come and go. All these I can do it yet there is only one thing I cant.

Work had tired me out but Mr.N is still in my heart and mind. Almost entering my soul. I never failed to think about him on my quietest moment. Although sometimes it hurts a little bit but knowing he is inside my heart makes me feel warmth :)

work @ bar

I feel totally a mushroom with this hairstyle. LOL.

2009-12-25T16:34:00.006+08:00

Merry X'mas to all ! :)

Have fun ....

Now, Im not talking much. I got so much overdue pictures to upload!

Here I go.

Never forget we share a hostel room together in school and sneak into boys toilet to bath :)

The world is small. Her younger sister is my brother's girlfriend.

It take a price to look beautiful. I might look stunning on the stage for 3 minutes but I had a almost 3 hours hard time removing my hair and everything. Grrrr .

--------------------------------------------------

Remember I said, I had a surprise

I went to had a haircut. Like yesterday? To change a new look.

But I never wanted to had a bang or something that look like a bang but the hair dresser cut my hair like a bang. I should say I miss my old hair but then again, I must love my new hair. So ya ! :)

This was me before on that day.

And this was after.... Laughhoutloudddddddddd

2009-12-24T10:35:00.003+08:00

Have been working for the past few days.

Having 2 jobs. Money rolling in $.$

But that was super tired like hell. Skin gonna break out anytime by having late night sleep.

Anyway, besides working at Sakae. I went my aunt's cafe'bar&restaurant to help. On my second night which was yesterday, Jo and TanBao came and they work with me as my aunt still in need of people.

It was a nice good experience too. But serving beer for each customer was a difficult task to me.

And Im going to have a surprise for everyone soon. :)

Oh ya, I receive 2 big good news. One was I could finally collect back my phone like for so long!!

Secondly, my aunty give birth to her babyboy ! :)

Btw, to every girls out there. ( Guys can also see but maybe you could advertise it to your girl-friends ) .

proudly advertise http://www.chemi-cally.blogspot.com/

My babyJolyn had her own blogshop. Please click in and support ! Anyone of you would have at least had interest with the clothing ! Because I myself had gotten myself 2 dress (: . Psst, the first and second. *wink*

2009-12-20T13:36:00.005+08:00

I really want to be happy again.

In a healthy lifestyle. Not by drinking or smoking.

Mr N left me, it really breaks me down no matter how hard I tried to be happy. Including of my family...

One friend of mine, she says she will pull me back on my right track. After saying that, she disappeared the next day...

:)

2009-12-18T02:43:00.004+08:00

Still my dream :)

2009-12-17T11:58:00.005+08:00

Its raining day :)

Remember I used to like raining days. But that was before I met Mr N. Because he has always been my sunshine. Now he is gone, my raining days are back to my side. Maybe that tells me when things are gone, you got to accept it.

I accept it but I just miss him. So much for no reason why.
I dont want too.

I used up one day, one night to think through what I want and what I have lost and what have I been doing.

I wasnt like this all this while. I was all up independent but now I seem to be someone relying on everyone.

I avoided everyone's call even till now. I am sorry.

I kept thinking about I really has to start afresh. And I've decided to migrate to Italy in maybe 3-5years down the road. This sound absurd. Or like a joke. But no. Im so serious about this.

I just got to earn money. Alot alot of money. And also learn how to make some savings.

Why migrate?

Because Singapore has way too much nightmares for me.

But why Italy?

Because Italy has always been a place I always wanted to visit. Be it what can I do there, I wouldnt stay here. That is the only way I can avoid every nightmare to me. Start A-F-R-E-S-H.

Finally I've gotten what I had wanted in my life. A goal in life. Something I liked it so much. Like modelling. Modelling has always never die on me even though it has this love-hate relationship with me.

Stubborn character I suspose. And so determined in getting it.

I dont know how sorry can amend to all my friends. But ya, I needed you guys so much. But I know friends would get sick of my problems one day for why I am always staying strong until now.

If I have not been picking up anyone of your call. Im sorry. I just needed some-times back to myself... :)

2009-12-15T13:22:00.005+08:00

Things that I cant hide. I wont hide it anymore.

Some-things going not smoothly at home. I really feel like standing somewhere high up and scream my head off. Dont know since when... My family feels like it is going to fall apart. At anytime.

I cant hold on anymore longer...

2009-12-13T23:56:00.002+08:00

Hi.

Im feeling terrible again. I know I promised everyone I'll be better. But each time I decided to get over it, I miss him more. Everynight, dreams about him come to me. Today, I went Vivo to catch New Moon.

It could have been a better day by getting use of waking up in the morning trying to forget about the dream I had previously. But this time was different. It seems good to see your missed called appearing on my phone. But knowing what everything was going on pull me down right again.

I swear I did my best in doing everything. Did my best trying to forget about you and be a happy girl. But I couldnt.

It was just a pathetically one month though. But the process of how I come to know you and getting together had brought me away...

People thought it was really easy for me to get over it. I thought so too.

New moon was more of a love story connection. Throughout this movie, I kept thinking about you and in the theatre. It seem so easy for you to take it and put it down. For me, I see illusion of you everywhere like how Bella did in the movie.

Bella story reflect part of me. Just that she is more lucky because the one she loved did love her...

2009-12-12T00:26:00.002+08:00

Thats it. Remember my name.

I would not live in the memories between you and me anymore. Instead, I'll move out of your world and make my world smile like usual again.

I'll live a motivated life and be a Brave Tricia everyone thought I was. :)

2009-12-11T00:45:00.007+08:00

Wednesday night was really a blast. Like what Sly said.

To summarise everything, we went to celebrate Yiren's birthday at Kallang. Went to this thai village for dinner and Kbox to sing and drink.

Can you guys see that, Im trying my every best to smile? (:

2009-12-09T00:09:00.008+08:00

I choose to believe you. Despite everything the everything.

I choose to believe you no matter what outsiders had always tell me.

People asked me to occupy myself by keeping myself busy. I tried. But I knew I am just running away from reality. Despite how busy I get at times, I think of you through the deepest moment of time. I miss you alot alot.

Despite everything, despite how painful everything gets. I keep telling myself, "I will be fine". Yes I do. Despite how happy I get each after day... after I get home, everything become the same.

Everyone knew how happy I was from the picture they seen. But when I look back at the pictures we taken, I realise I was just a fool.

Oh my god. When will everything stop?

If you want to go... You can.

I would no longer beg you to stay or to come back. But at least return me the heart once I had given it to you... Would you?

Lastly, I promised everyone. Most importantly, I promised myself. I will be strong. Through this 17 years of living. I have been putting up a strong front. Yeah, I still can... (:

2009-12-08T10:10:00.001+08:00

I can never believe I'll turn out a third party. For all the love I had gave. I was.

2009-12-07T11:15:00.002+08:00

My yearning for him had turn into dreams. Good dreams that it is so hard to be possible in life.

Now I just had to wake up in the morning and forget what I had dreamt of previously...

2009-12-06T00:32:00.003+08:00

I went suntanning and swimming yesterday. With TanBao :)
Peckswee and Joel came to join us to slack at leisure.

So Meilien, up for for another suntanning session next week ? (;

2009-12-05T09:52:00.005+08:00

Pictures is here :)

I only concentrate to drink and no mood for taking photos too. Hahas. Can you guys believe when Meilien get drunk, she wanted to eat TOM YAM!? And she really brought it.

This bitch here, I gonna miss her. She'll be starting her attachment today :(

2009-12-04T07:45:00.005+08:00

Went pub yesterday. Drink and slack till this morning. I should be sleeping now. Maybe after this.

Meilien, Stella, Weiying, Jo, Peckswee and Joel went. It was a great pity Jiasin, Xinyi and Pearlyn didnt come along. To celebrate our some sort of "graduation".

But anyway, exam was over. I dont have the confident getting into higher nitec but I just pray so much for that.

Pub was fun. Especially when your feeling down...

For Mr N, it been day 4 since I lost him. Im begining to get used to life without him. Although he did left alot alot of memories for me but days spent with him wasnt that much...

But for just the memories he had left for me had become the biggest impact to me in my heart/mind. I hate it when Im going to bed or whenever I just got up of bed. That was usually the time you would start thinking of everything.

Very thankful to my friend for keeping me accompany for any chance occur. But when Im left alone, it sucks.

Yesterday was our last paper which mean our last day of school either besides waiting for our attachment. And I saw him like for the last time ever in my life probably.

The days he left, I still choose to believe he would return. But seeing how cruel he can be dash away my hopes. My heart is having the physical and emotional pain which I dont know how long can it heal. I dont want to cry anymore and I cannot cry anymore.

For every tears I shed, he would never feel it nor return.

Sometimes I could even feel my pain had turn numb and I would just stare blankly into the air.

Dont ask me if its worth it because for as long he is someone who stay inside my heart. It probably... is . No matter how bad can he be.

I lost my game. At the same time, I lost myself.
It is going to be pretty fine soon I believe.

I'll be fine soon.

2009-12-02T18:40:00.006+08:00

I didnt know I'll lose you so fast...

How do I even smile without you now...

Am someone who believe you would change for me. Probably think too much. You left me before I could do anything more.

It been really really really long since Im having this heartache. So ache till you can cry so much so much. So ache till nothing can mean anything except for the tears I shed... When will all these be over?

I never open my heart for anybody. But you took it and ran away...

Come on, there wouldnt be anymore B.U.T...

Sometimes I watched couples around me who can last for like a long time. Why does mine always fail? What did I do wrong this time again? The mistake I've done here is just falling too deep for you ...

Rule #7

I fall in love with this game and I've lost.

2009-12-01T20:39:00.004+08:00

"Woah"

Things not going well here...

I choose this route, I have no regrets and I cant blame on anything. I brought this upon myself but then it just hurt me so much. So much. I wanted to change you. Making you believe you are not what you are today.

I overlooked my limit cause I forgotten im not a superwoman.

I was once very happy. Happy till I lost my heart to you. The route I choose now, the pain Im undergoing... Nobody can help me.

For every word that you say, I choose to believe.

It should be quite of a miracle we last for a month. Yes, I still hasnt give up although at times I thought of.

I have no idea why you meant so much to me. Like when there are times Im telling myself, "Why am I burying myself into a tough relationship and brought all these problems to me". I am always used to being alone or even letting things go easily.

Together with you, I break my rules. I keep trying. And is still going to try it harder. Cant you see or feel/sparing some thoughts for me? Till now I realise I had many relationships but never once I put my effort in. Maybe this was the reason MS has been trying to tell me but I catch no hint. Now I learnt but I am lost.

It takes 2 hand to clap. But for now, I have to clap alone. I have to wait and wait till the day you realise my existence...

My heart aches alot alot of times. But I am going to be fine. Because I want to touch your heart with my sincerity even if in the end it is going to cut my heart hundred/million times.

If one day you are the one giving up first, at least I am satisfied cause I give you my whole. (:

2009-11-30T18:57:00.000+08:00

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/frontseat/39568.html

Do check this out :)

2009-11-29T23:57:00.002+08:00

Skipped half day of work and meet baby today :)

Thanks everyone. My heart feels warm when I receive comment like being an awesome runway model. But deep down, I know I hadnt get up to that limit yet. Probably because of the training I used to had in the past.

I really missed modelling. And I promise myself I will get back to them soon.

But now, get it done with my studies first! ;)